This is Carter on Thanksgiving

Oh my goodness - I got Carter's new crib the other day and the first night was okay he slept all night - but the last two days have been hell. In all my 7 months with him I have never been this frustrated, he won't lay down in the bed, he wants me to pick him up every 20 minutes. Now it takes me at least three hours to finally get to sleep.

Now I do admit I let him sleep with me sometimes but in my defense, it was only those times when he wasn't feeling well or if he fell asleep on the bed and I was to tired to pick him up. My mother on the other hand wants to cuddle with him sometimes in her room - and she was the main one telling me put him in his own bed.

Now on to her - love her to death - and I appreciate her helping me sometimes when I need a break but right now she is not respecting my role as a mother. I sometimes get the impression that she's a mother of two instead of one. She watches over me when I'm doing something with him. She second guesses my decisions, and when I call her on it she gets defensive.

The thing that really gets on my nerves now is she's being really cold to my ex - now I know he doesn't get the father of the year award but regardless of what he did to me I know he loves his son, and he wants to spend time with him when he can - the situation is my mom doesn't know what went down and from day one he hasn't done anything to look bad in my mother's eyes, so there is now reason for her to be so disrespectful to him. When he comes over she shuts the door to her room and doesn't speak to him - I have to tell her to say hi, and when he picks him up for the day she's real bitchy until Carter's comes back home.

It's like our relationship now is just based on Carter. I spoke to my cousin about it and she feels I need to move out. I wish I could find another place but right now I don't want to look at any more boxes, so I guess I just have to grin and bear it. PRAY FOR ME!!!

Untitled

U never got my sense of humor
U never got my style
I couldn't be who you wanted
But I tried for a while
ended up losing self
didn't recognize who I was any more
Now everthing's changed
and nothing is like before

It amaze me how drama always find you at a time when its not needed. Now here's my new drama - This guy who I was with 2yrs ago surface again - he was someone I grew up with and we both were attracted to each other but never pushed it til we got older.

When we finally got together I knowingly got my feeling involved even though he had a 2yr old and still living with his baby momma. Me being young and dumb I accepted his wishes of sneaking around, and secret phone calls - then I got tired of it and left him alone - THANK GOD -

At that time I was the other woman - something I disgust. Now I guess I got my punishment because I'm the one sitting in the baby momma shoes. I always told myself that I never wanted that title, to me it should be a ban term.

Now that I seen him again I'm more wiser and less tempted to follow that path again.

***My Power Color Is Blue***
Relationships and feelngs are the most important things to you.You are empathetic and accepting - and good at avoiding conflict.If someone close to you is in pain, it makes you hurt as well.You try to heal the ones you love with your kind and open heart.
What's Your Power Color?http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatsyourpowercolorquiz

My son is going on 7 months - I took him to the doctor last month for his shots and the doctor got on me for giving him baby food too soon. ARE U KIDDING ME! I was to shock at the comment or else I would have cursed him out but give me a break - Carter was born 7lbs - 13oz - 21inches right now he weighs 20lbs so in actuality he's not over weight. My baby eats - milk doesn't satisfy him anymore - even now I give him veggies, fruit, and meat for dinner and he gets mad when he finishes - like he wants more. So the moral of this story is *uck what his doctor says, do what my motherly instincts says.

After reading my first entry I figured out where this is going- my blog will give me a chance to vent my frustrations as well as updating my baby's first year. So if anyone reading this can relate feel free to give me your advice.

Now on to my gripe with my baby daddy (oh how I hate that term)- something I never wanted to say. I knew after he found out I was pregnant he wasn't ready- but is anyone ready, that's what I told him- I believed that we would work on this relationship together- that's what he told me, but after living together during the pregnancy and moving back home with mom, I found out he was cheating on me after the baby was born.

All the nights when I thought he was working late and spending time with his family and I had to deal with Carter crying by myself- he was kickin' it with another chick and working his way into her home.

I'm hurt but I kept my true emotions to myself- I didn't blow-up the way I should, I feel like you shouldn't give anyone that type of satisfaction- I just told him he wasn't ready to be in a real relationship with me, one with trust and love. He had the nerve to tell me that I'm still his #1 - well if he treats his #1 like this then I rather be last on his list.

To be honest, if I knew he would get his act together one day, maybe I would take him back - in my heart I want to but my mind is telling me that I should leave him alone - it's just hard when I look in my baby's eyes and see him, and it's hard when I watch them play together and I see how much they love each other.

I just don't understand why he would want to put me through this- knowing I wanted this to work.

Carter at 3 months

June 18, 2005 - The day my life changed forever - I had my son Carter Reginald Montgomery. Everything I've done in my life - the drinking, smoking, clubbing like I'm 18 when I'm pushing 30 is over, and having him doesn't make me miss it at all.

The only thing that would make this experience complete is keeping the promise I made to him - having his father in his life. I know I'm not the first or the last to have this dilemma, but I'm just disappointed that I'm following the footsteps of my mom - being a single parent.

Now don't get me wrong my mother and my family raised me right, but I know first hand that there's a part in your life whether you accept it or not that needs a father's love, or just a mere presence. And I made a promise when I found out I was having him that there will be a father in his life.