After reading my first entry I figured out where this is going- my blog will give me a chance to vent my frustrations as well as updating my baby's first year. So if anyone reading this can relate feel free to give me your advice.

Now on to my gripe with my baby daddy (oh how I hate that term)- something I never wanted to say. I knew after he found out I was pregnant he wasn't ready- but is anyone ready, that's what I told him- I believed that we would work on this relationship together- that's what he told me, but after living together during the pregnancy and moving back home with mom, I found out he was cheating on me after the baby was born.

All the nights when I thought he was working late and spending time with his family and I had to deal with Carter crying by myself- he was kickin' it with another chick and working his way into her home.

I'm hurt but I kept my true emotions to myself- I didn't blow-up the way I should, I feel like you shouldn't give anyone that type of satisfaction- I just told him he wasn't ready to be in a real relationship with me, one with trust and love. He had the nerve to tell me that I'm still his #1 - well if he treats his #1 like this then I rather be last on his list.

To be honest, if I knew he would get his act together one day, maybe I would take him back - in my heart I want to but my mind is telling me that I should leave him alone - it's just hard when I look in my baby's eyes and see him, and it's hard when I watch them play together and I see how much they love each other.

I just don't understand why he would want to put me through this- knowing I wanted this to work.