Now can you believe he tried to kiss me yesterday!!!!

I let him take Carter to see his aunt and I know the trip was legit so there was no worry this time, and after he brought him home and was getting ready to leave, he grab me to say goodbye and tried to kiss me but I turned my face just in time. I was so shocked by that I had no words for him.

I told my homeboy about it and he said not to take it so seriously, he probably did it cuz he's horny and he hadn't seen me in a while. I wanted to have a cleaner analogy and think he probably was happy I let him have some free time with Carter with no drama.

Nevertheless, I just can't believe that he would do that regardless, knowing we ain't together anymore. Also it's pisses me off because I thought I have come to a level of dealing with our breakup and now I'm starting to miss him just a little bit because I know I have to remember the reality - that my trust in him is gone and he would have to do a major 360 for me to forgive him.

This is in response to my last post and people's comments to it. I understand he will be missin' out but so will my baby. I know no matter what Carter has me, but I can see he's missing his dad. Sometimes I catch him looking at guys that resemble him and smile.

I want to call him and tell him to stop by but I shouldn't have to do all the work - he should be the one making the effort. I never said he can call every other weekend - if that - to check up on him. Time is going by so fast, he's missin out on his development. I invited him to our baby gym class every Tuesday and Thursday - he hasn't come yet. I want to give up but I just can't - for Carter's sake, and so he'll know one day that I tried my best to make things better for all of us.

Also, I still don't trust him when he takes him out. I don't want him over his girl's place playin house, and now he's always out of minutes on his phone and I refuse to call his girl to find out where he is - that's JUST INSANE to me. I just feel for Carter cuz I grew up wanting that father figure, and I guess I'm trying to avoid that for him.

Now I'm planning for his 1st birthday, and I told him he needs to start saving money to pay for the food - I just have this feeling he's either going to flake out at the last minute and I have to foot the bill, or he'll ask his girl to help him. Either way if he does that he's not invited to the party. I made sure he doesn't know the location until the day of, and OH MY GOODNESS, his girl better not make an appearance.

As a whole I just have a lot of pent-up frustration that I know I have to air out in his direction I want to tell him how he's hurt me and how he needs to get his shit together but if he doesn't listen to his own mother about these things I know he wouldn't give a damn about what I have to say. And I don't want to put my heart on the line to deaf ears.